my best friend is moving away

i am feeling sad today because i learn that my best friend is moving to cleveland ohio in may because she got the job offered in cleveland ohio from her old company that are moving their employees almost everywhere and closing the company and she accept the job it is better than not get the job
i will not have much friends in michigan anymore and it will be boring without her sighs and i will miss her but i will always go there to visit who knows maybe i will follow soon if i find job there in ohio i am sad about her moving away i will miss her being around but i will keep in touch with her i have done that before will do that again she is my best friend since we were little
i am happy for her to accept the offer it was fast it is better than nothing i hope i will get job there if i can find job who knows
if i will live there who knows

the weather have got hotter

the weather have got hotter and it feel like summer in last 2 days heat waves have start OMG now i can't sleep at night cuz of the heat at night blah and i start to wear short and T-shirt i can't believe it my season affective disorder (winter blue) is about to get better soon as the weather approve and the tempture go up and the winter have gone and i really start to enjoy the warmth and the sun is out for few days but i really enjoy the high tempture for now but soon i won't be enjoying it if it contiune that way for while dang
i believe that weather have gone out of control for while with up and down (yoyo) temptures for while now OY i am going to enjoy it when it last for while i am not sure when it will go back to the spring like temptures that i do enjoy too that it was not so cold not so hot just equal tempture i wish had my puppy now and i would have take him out and take him for a walk and enjoy it together so now i better go and enjoy the weather

can't wait to talk to my friends on my VP

i can't wait to talk to my friends on my VP
2 friends of mine got their new vp i am excited for them to get one hehe about time they get them yaya
i already got 3 friends in my VP list hope to get more in my VP then i can get my own cable modem in my room so i can hook up in my TV not in other room so i can VP my friends anytime without bother other people by use other room for my VP chat blah so anyway i am going to plan to VP chat with my good friend soon but not sure when because we need to set up time to chat i kinda of miss talk to her on VP.
FIRST i need to talk to my cable company about the extra modem being in my room for the VP and how much it cost so i can get them and have it install in my room i hope it is not so expensive to get the 2nd modem if it is not expensive than i thought it would be then i will get them and install it in my TV and use my VP to talk to my friends i am glad that i got my own VP lol
i really enjoyed using VP hehe

my depression

i am having hard time get rid of my depression it can't be rid of very fast overnite it need time to heal like it will takes few weeks to few months to get well depression is a mood disease i am in therapy for my depression i have psychologist and a signing therapist. with psychologist i need to ask him about antidepression medications and etc... with therapist talk to her about my feelings and what my goals will be and i have to do with them to complete.
i am working on with my goals in my life and do with them i have few goals that i wanted to do that i wrote down in here below
my depression was worse and bad this year than the previous years that i have been depressed this year that i was not be able to get rid of it i am glad that i am getting help and that i can be able to heal better and take time to heal easy. Depression take time to heal and sometimes can have relapse from depression. sometimes i do get relapses from depression i am working on getting better

love to read books

i love to read books i always read every subject from fictions to non fictions actually i have some of my favorite subjects of books and books itself i have some that i save so i can read it again and again in the future i really enjoyed reading and i like to read in bed when i travel with people i do read in car to keep me from getting bored i like to read action books and sometimes horror books
i have some of my favorite authors that i enjoyed to reading their books it is really interested to read them
ghosts and hauntings are one of my favorite subjects of books to read because it really interested me learning about history of haunting itself and how people experiencing seeing them and felt the presences i have experience myself that why i have start doing that since i have been collecting the books since then and save them not to give away actually i have 3 boxes full of them
that i saved

researching to get puppy

my sister and i are researching some of the breeder list around near my home what breeder is good with all the genetic testing and etc... on the dogs that they don't have health problems later in the years. fortunely we found some breeders that breeds chocolate labs around near my area that is cool. if there no available labadors yet and i can be on the waiting list anyway. when there are available labardors then it is time to get ready to get puppy when i am ready to get one then we get together we will go to the breeder of the choice and look at the puppies i am thinking of getting chocolate lab and can't wait to get one i always wanted pet since my old cat died and i am ready now to have a pet around and be in my life again i wanted chocolate lab and i just wanted to be mommy again of course i am still my old cat's mommy no matter
i know how much work with puppy and training and etc... but i just don't care i just wanted to have a full life with puppy and keep me busy and etc...

need to make goals in my life

i decide that i would have to make some list of my goals and try to do the goals that i always wanted to do then i have make some goals in my life to make my life more livable and keep me busy i make lists of my goals that i wanted to do there is the list i write down i hope to complete and contiune to do so not to give up the goals that i wanted to do i hope i can do the goals that i will try to do

1. work- work with animals-volunteering and maybe can get a pay job maybe like bookstore i like books
2. going out more and be with people more and get to know them and be in the "group" and be part of their lives
3. be on my own-IMPORTANT goal to do so i can learn to do
4. learn how to drive-always wanted to do that was never done i feel that i would use to the experience of driving

5. have someone in my life- it was my goal to have but never got to it and i am not sure of that myself because i get hurt all the time maybe i need time to myself first then later on get to know guys first before get serious and be in relationship

I love to travel

I love to travel I have been traveling with family since I was little girl and start to travel with friends later in years when I got older and I still wanted to travel on my own to experience to risk myself and protect myself as well I learn to while travel with friends. I just wanted to learn to do it on my own.
I like to expore everywhere that I never been to and get to know the places if i enjoyed the visit at the places then hope will visit the same places again in the future

my first VP chat

last night i did my first vp chat on my new VP-200 with my friend we chatted about lot of things and etc... like blah blah it was fun and i really enjoyed chatting wth my friend and i hope will do that again with my more friends later on i really like it so far and it is better than chat online so i can face to other person in face ha

start on cross stitch project

i am making this cross stitch project see the pix it will be big one and take time to finished i did that for my brother and my sister in law when they first got married and they hang that in the bathroom they thought it was so sweet and amazing that i can do that it was my first project when i start to learn to cross stitch and i have been cross stitching for 5 years and loving it
that i was be able to keep myself busy do the projects any thing with cross stitch i was glad that i start to learn
i have some of my favorite cross stitch projects that i do over and over it is like small ones and fast ha ha and it was fun to do

i must apolized to everyone

i must apolized to everyone (my friends) for my negitive attitudes earlier i hope they would accept my apolizes i know that they are try to help me but it was not helping that i am feeling that they were blaming me but i know they were not blaming me it just been hardest thing how i feel they need to understand how much i have been through with my depression and the negitive thoughts was part of it and now since i am getting therapy is that i hope everything will be better sooner with a flow and i can be able to move on without crying and hating myself for what i did, my moods were up and down lot and i was off the wall
i have been writing about my moods and my feelings and etc... A LOT in journals it did help but talking to someone like therapist does help also but writing in journals are like everyday thing to do when you are feeling so down

i think i would better off without the stupid guy he is not the one for me anymore he is not worth to be with anymore move on to new guy if i can find one who is the one for me

Sighs!! have to do something about myself

i don't know what they are doing tell me off to move on that i can't just move on that fast but i can move on but it take awhile to move on i need to have somebody to talk about like have friend to be there not just yelling at me and blaming me for what i did only being there to listen and understand not just yell at me to move on fast that i would not just move on fast only slowly as i can to move on only i do get the blame by myself they don't understand what i have been through trying to get my life back i never had a life for while cuz of this stupid man waste my time pending over him and go to see him when i can't go then later break up with me and break my heart and i will never have love again from him only i have to is just move on to other guy but it is hard right now feeling that they are blaming me for that i just hate it what i am feeling about
i have been crying all night that i am taking the truth from them and i have hard time take the truth that i ruined all the chance i will never have-love from this stupid man only i have to is just move on and find other one that can treat me BETTER than this stupid guy and i guess he is not the one to have oh well
since i got some therapy yesterday and it is the beginning of it and i am getting weekly therapy for while to deal with my emotional and heal myself it takes time to do it can't do that TOO fast i am having hard time getting rid of my depression that i am having for 2 months it was the longest that i have been experiencing i had it before but it was only short time and i was be able to move on easier but not this time because of problems now it is getting harder now to get rid of depression it take time to heal and get some relief from the depression it will take few weeks to get better from it
i hope it will be much easier as it was before with the therapy and etc...

had good therapy session today

had good therapy session with a woman therapist this morning she was recommend by my cute psychologist that i met last month that he give me and she know sign language and i felt that was the best for me so it won't be a problem for me with getting a interepreter without any conficts who will be avaliable i am glad i went in talking about my family life and that i been feeling hurt by this stupid guy and what my life is doing and etc... i like her already she is very friendly and listening that what therapy are about and i am keeping my weekly session with her will have other one next week
i hope that i will keep going there until i feel better or whenever

met James at detroit dog show

last sat my family went to dog show in detroit at cobo hall home of detroit red wings saw different kinds of dogs and look around and etc.. and the westminster dog show winner for the best show dog James was there to greet people and i got to meet him and he got to kiss me twice
it was good day for me and meeting James

being feeling down

i have been feeling down for 2 months cuz my family been on my case and my ex dump me by thinking that i have been playing mind games with him but i wasn't playing games with him i plan to see him without my family knowing that i am doing that but it is TOO late now that i can't go anymore
it make me feel so sad that i lost him FOREVER sighs
i hate when people control my life SCOFFS

i messed my first page blah

GRR

jeez i can't believed it that i messed my first page had to start over again sighs oh well but i did good job get things the way it was before on the first page but don't worry i saved some of my old blogs in my files in my computer anyway
but i am very new on this blog so be bear with me as i am just learning how to use the blog as i practice to publish my blog to my page

oh well i hope this is better than first page i hope i will do well on this 2nd attempted page better

as i post below with the picture of circle heart i misspelled hears i mean by heart i can't fix it
cuz it can mess the page anyway

i feel i am stranger to them

my true friends are my cirlcle of hears



i feel that my heart was being stabbed cuz how i feel that i feel like i am stranger to some of people. i use to know from other sites (not from alldeaf or myspace) and they are strangers to me. i feel like i don't know them anymore they act like 2faced persons and feel like that they are not my friends anymore since it is just a online stuff until you meet them in person then they would be great friends. i can't wait to meet them someday so they can be able to know me

my ex is a stranger to me now i don't know him anymore. that why i rather have small circle of close friends than rather have large group of friends fearing that i will lose them all.

impossible to keep them all when i trust them to keep the friendship going. i have hard time to trust some of people sometimes they are nice sometimes they are not so nice i feel i don't undstand them anymore that why i can't keep the ones i don't trust even my ex i don't trust him anymore since he is stranger to me now and only the ones i trusts that i can keep my friendship with